Confessions of a Valentine's Day Virgin

It's time for me to come clean. I have never had Valentine's Day sex. Ever.

Oh, I've had plenty of boyfriends. It's just the breakup or start-up always seemed to happen before or after the month of February. Or, in one case, the first makeout session occurred on a party the evening of February 13, so it was too early and too much pressure to make a big deal out of Valentine's Day yet (I got a rose after midnight, but no plans for THE DAY, and definitely no sex).

I had a two-year, long-term relationship. We lived in different states and visited back and forth at regular intervals. I got Valentine's day presents, cards. But for some reason, he and I could never work our schedules and obligations out to be together for Valentine's Day.

I lived with someone for six years in a committed relationship. You'd THINK I would have gotten lucky on Valentine's Day at least ONCE in that time, right? But no. He worked in the restaurant industry. And as you may or may not know, Valentine's Day is the second biggest profit day of the year for restaurants (after Mother's day; I'm not even gonna get INTO the Oedipal implications of that one). The fancier restaurants (he worked at one) tend to have special Valentine's Day menus, which require extra effort and more hours than usual at work. So, during all those years, while all you people were out having your special Valentine's Day dinners at your chi-chi restaurants, I was at home, alone, thinking of my guy making sure YOUR V-day (or someone's, anyway) was really romantic. Humph. We always had to celebrate on the 13th or 15th, because by the time he came home on the 14th, I was usually asleep and he was usually exhausted.

And this year, I'm single on Valentine's Day. So again, I must go without.

So now, I find myself in my 30s, with not one single Valentine's Day shag under my garter belt. It seems cruel and unfair! I think to make me feel better, all you readers who HAVE had Valentine's Day sex over the years ought to tell me stories about the most horrible and disappointing Valentine's Day sex you've ever had. To make me feel like I'm not missing out, having only had sex on the other 364 days of the year.

Please tell me a bad V-day sex story! Or at least write me sympathy notes or offer your services to defile my innocence, or something...


Note: You can go here to find more amusing Anti-valentine cards like the one above.