Yoko and Me

Yesterday, I received an email from a reader chastising me for not having been able to answer every comment that was made on my blog. Though I was already intending to address the particular post the reader was referring to in my own time and in my own way, now is as good a time as any to clarify a few things for anyone who reads this blog. Note I say this is a clarification, not an apology.

The main point: I like my readers. I'm glad you comment. But. I can not and will not always be able to answer every comment, no matter how good or erroneous or insightful or personal or etc. that comment may be. I have never promised to do so, nor should you expect that I will.

Your choice to comment on anything here, or to share any personal experiences, is just that—a choice. I am grateful for those of you who do make that choice, and for each and every comment, but that doesn’t mean I “owe” you or any other commenter anything for you having made that choice—in the same way I don’t think just because you’ve read a post of mine that you “owe” me a comment on it. I’m pleased when you do. I hope you will, if you feel you have something you want to share, and if you have the time and inclination. If you don’t, I understand and I don’t take it personally. Feel free to feel the same about me in reverse. But don’t expect I’m here to take care of you or that there are “rules” I have to follow on my own blog.

A second important point: I want to make one thing very clear. I sometimes choose to share personal, and sometimes difficult, emotional experiences here. This often results in others choosing to share personal experiences of their own. When anyone who comments make this choice, understand that what you are doing is the same as what I am doing when I write my posts—you are sharing it with ALL the readers of this blog including myself—you are not sharing it one-on-one with me. I am NOT a therapist and it is NOT my job to take care of anyone’s emotional health. If you have written something here and you feel upset that it has not been addressed, recognize this means the issue is bigger than something I am capable of addressing for you anyway, and please go find someone qualified who can help you address it. If you see someone ELSE has written something you feel needs to be addressed and you feel I haven’t addressed it the way YOU would like to, by all means, respond to it yourself and say what you feel needs to be said.

This blog was created for three reasons:
1) To encourage me to get in the practice of writing for me more regularly
2) To talk about issues of sexuality and other things that are important or interesting to me
3) To foster group (not one-on-one, blogger-to-reader) discussion.

I never intended this blog to be one where I talk to each individual reader, but one where we all talk to each other. The whole point was for this to be a community discussion, so whether or not I answered, discussion was happening. I happen to enjoy answering comments, so when I can, I do it. But I refuse to make this an exchange where either side is obligated to the other.

There are many reasons why I may not be able to respond to a discussion, which should be obvious. If I don’t, it’s not due to any disinterest, but things like the fact that I have a life outside of this blog that needs to be taken care of, that I feel you are all doing a good enough job on your own, or even that for personal or emotional reasons, I don’t feel like joining in the discussion that’s happening. Maybe I haven’t solidified my thoughts yet. Whatever the reason is, it is, and that’s that. I may give you an explanation. I may not. Please don't think you're owed one--I don't ask you for an explanation of why you don't comment on a post if I know you've read it. And in line with that, in the same way that when you read something I write and aren't inspired to comment you mean nothing personal by it, be aware my not reponding to any comment isn’t a personal commentary on you, any other person, or the quality or importance of comments made.

And if you find that annoying, please look around at other blogs. It’s extremely rare to have any blogger respond to every single reader. Most do not respond anywhere NEAR the level, or at the length, that I do. So again, I ask you to be happy I’ve been able to do it as much as I have, and leave it at that. And realize that as time goes on, it will probably be that I’ll have LESS time to do individual one-to-one responses instead of more. My hope is that even if this becomes the case, you will be able to carry on the discussion as a group. However, if you simply can’t accept that you or others may not always get a personal response from me, of course your other option is to stop reading the blog (or stop commenting). I hope that won’t be your choice, but everyone must do what works best for them.

And finally, please don’t send me emails telling me how I “should” write, manage, etc. my blog. “Should” is a very judgmental concept, and it says more about your own needs and issues than anything about me and my actions. This blog is for me, and I’m running it in the way that’s right for me. If you think I am--or this blog is--doing something wrong, by all means, start a blog of your own and write and run it the way that’s right for you. And I can promise you this: I may read it, and I may comment on it, but I won’t expect you to be me, and I won’t expect that you are responsible for me, or owe me or anyone else anything.

Thanks and affection to all,

Syl.

P.S. I'm keeping comments open as a matter of habit, but the above is not up for debate. And though you never know if I will be able to respond or not to any comment, I can tell you for certain that I will definitely not be responding to anyone who tries to make it a debate. I may even choose to delete such comments, though I generally don't like to do that.