Dirty Secrets in the Dark
Funny thing about sex blogging. Sometimes it feels very much I'm working a peep show. I can't see them, but I know there are people there. I'm standing alone in this circular room, surrounded by darkened windows, and I can hear the electric whir of privacy screens as they keep rolling up again and again. They're looking. At me. But I can't look back. There's just a dark, intense presence surrounding me on all sides, that feels like eyes. Watching. Taking in. Staring. Assessing my performance. Many, many hidden pairs of eyes.
I can tell from the daily stats that people are coming into the booths every day, every hour, just watching me, listening to me, waiting for me to whisper all these dirty secrets to them that they want to hear. Saying nothing. I can just about make out their breathing through the intercoms, but only a very few people actually speak up and talk back to me.
I see the numbers. It's been two months I've been working this show, and they tell me certain people keep coming back to watch me, and I wonder who they are. What they think. Why they don't talk. If they like what they see.
It's a bit unnerving, really...sometimes in a good way. But sometimes, you just want to say...
Who are you? Are you out there? Say something. Tell me.
posted by Miss Syl at 8:37 PM
13 Comments:
It's just people like me, Syl. The thing to remember is that a) people rarely comment if they agree with you so that's a good thing and b) count the hits not the comments. Oh yeah, and c) it helps if you ask questions.
I'll be back. Just because I don't leave comments doesn't mean I don't enjoy what you have to say.
Take care,
figleaf
Actually, I would say that it's the fellow bloggers that are most likely to make comments. And, my experience was that adding them to your blogroll or links gets their attention. That's suprising too.
The rest of the clickers, who can tell what they think, unless they do pause to say something.
Miss Syl, I do want to come back and read your blog in more detail. I noticed your Monogamania post, which is still on my list to read, my apologies. And, I just now I noticed your comment on AlwaysArousedGirl's: Tandem Massages, and AAG's response to you, which intrigued me to check your blog. Interesting that I already marked your post to read, from quickly scanning the Sugasm #23 or #24.
It's a serendipity of happenstances and streams of consciousness and a hungering that leads one to click on your path.
happy bloggings and blessings.
- a nawty mouz
Hi Miss Syl. Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog. This is my first time to yours and i always try to comment....
even if it is just to say Hi!
thanks again.
I get that odd feeling, you know, 'am I talkin' to myself in here? He-llo?'
But the voyeur in me gets a little kick out of it too. One time I checked my stats and nearly fell off my chair when someone from the Pentagon was on my page for a good half hour. I then thought, 'did they have a hard on/get wet?'
And yes, I was left with that question ringing in my mind.
Figleaf: What on earth do you mean "just< people like me?" You are not a "just" m'dear. Far from it. And why is it everything you write makes me feel like I'm in one of those old English mansion libraries, curled up on the rug in front of a fire, with a book, a hot toddy, and you? I'm glad you'll be back. I like having you.
Mouz: Thanks for visiting and saying hi. I've always relied on the kindess of strangers. ;-) And I like a man who comes to me hungry.
Hi Needra. Yes, I saw your insightful comments on scars on Figleaf's blog and it brought me to you. And gave you gave me a very good laugh, which is not easy to do. I'll be back to see you.
Anastasia: I have been inside the Pentagon. Trust me, if any place needs a little Ana-flavored spice, that place is it. One of the most drab, gray office environments you could ever imagine.
I've always been more into co-play than exhibitionism. I can only be stared at for so long until I start getting all blushy and embarassed. Sometimes blogging makes me feel this way. I'd much rather an ongoing conversation. But I understand, and am guilty of it, too--for instance, I read your blog almost every day, but I don't comment nearly enough. I need to break that habit.
More likely, it's just people like me ;o) Still a little scared to actually join in, but nonetheless both fascinated and deeply relieved to find like-minded others, and that there are wonderful, intelligent people out there that I can identify with and that can express themselves in a way that stimulates the mind - not to mention the other senses ;o)
jje: Well, I'm happy you did join in this time. Always glad to meet a new like-minded person. Especially one whose places I can stimulate. Thanks for speaking up. :)
Members of the lurker culture. I recently added your blog to my semi-regular reading. You're witty; I like it.
Absolethe: And you're smart and have good taste. ;-)
Glad you unlurked.
Woman: Shivers in a good way, I hope. ;-)
Though, don't you think sometimes blogging does feel a bit eerie, that way? Like you're in a house with all these ghosts in the room you can't really see.
Married Sex Addict: Whew, what a moniker! Thanks for your kind words. Well, I'm going to start peeping at you, too.
Mis Syl:
I visited your blog courtesy of Figleaf, whose recent post included a reference to your series on monogamy. Both you and Figleaf are of the same ilk -- thoughtful posts supported by relevant research, genuine interest in your readers' opinions, and a willingness to challenge our assumptions about sexuality, gender roles, etc.
You asked why readers don't post. I can only answer for myself, so here it is:
1. You obviously put a lot of effort into your posts (The three posts on monogamy were excellent, as were the comments from your readers). The least I can do is read them, not skim them, before I post. Often I will quickly read, return to a household chore, during which I think of your post. If I have something valuable to say, I'll come back later and post a comment, I think is worth reading. So I usually take at least two visits before I write a comment. So a better indicator may be the number of hits per IP adddress, not just the total hits.
2. If I'm working on something that requires a lot of concentration, (like reports, financial statements, tax returns), I really can't think of your post until I'm done.
3. I don't start posting comments until (this will twist your hairnet) I know I want to have a "relationship" with the writer -- i.e., be a regular reader of the blog. No slam-bam-thank-you-mam comments, like "Gee, that South Dakota guy -- what a bummer!" maybe all those lurkers are just afraid of making a commitment, huh?
4. This one's irrational and usually crops up when I'm sleep deprived. I've posted too often on your blog and you're probably annoyed that you have to acknowledge me again ...(sigh). Hey, I saw that spoon in your picture. I'm gonna think twice about getting into line and asking for second helpings.
5. I've been sitting here so long, there is a real risk of my derriere becoming permanently attached to this chair.
Thank you and I'm looking forward to your blue plate specials.
Kochanie
Hello there, Kochanie, nice to meet you.
Thanks for your comments. Another comparison to Figleaf. I may swoon. Thank you. :)
Does this mean we're in a relationship now? Can I sue you for blogamony if you leave me? Heh heh.
And my spoon runneth over. You come back for more just as much as you want, honey.
As far as I'm concerned, you can post anything you like, whenever you like, long or short, intense or lightweight. I'm always happy to see everyone, anytime. I just ask for your patience and forgiveness if on occasion I am too overwhelmed with life to always answer right away. And I like best when we're all talking to each other on one topic rather than each individual commenter talking only to me, so if you post, it's not just for me, it's for everyone (at least, that's how I see it).
But I know what you mean. I also suffer from "I don't want to say anything if I don't think it's worthwhile" syndrome. Still, it's nice to see people's "faces" from time to time. I'm glad you showed yours.
Syl.
Woman: One of them is me. :) I need to say hi more.
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