Friday, June 09, 2006

B.I.L.F.s

In the real world, I tend toward monadoramy. It's my new phrase, to substitute for monogamy. I want to adore someone and be adored by him, and I don't want to share. Mine, mine, mine. In the blogging world, however, I'm polyadoramous. And I've come across a few new bloggers recently (new to ME, that is) who I've been selfishly enjoying all to myself; and now I feel it's time to reveal my secret trysts and share the love.

(Stands up nervously in front of the room, straightens skirt, pats hair, adjusts sexy librarian glasses, opens mouth and says:)

I am the goddess of hellfire, and I bring you:

MISS SYL'S FIRST-EVER LIST OF BILFs.

Let's say the "B" in the acronym stands for "blogs," but y'know, if any of the people I'm writing about prefer to substitute the word "blogger," who am I to object? A shortlist of all my current blog-reading obsessions, each of which is pretty much a daily read of late, but which I've been too damn lazy to move up to my "daily sustenance" list yet.

None of these are "sex blogs," by the way. Reading only sex-themed blogs can get a little boring and repetitive, don't you think? I like people who mix it up and branch out.

So, they may not be sex bloggers, but all of them are smart, funny, lovely, talented, and built for pleasure, regardless. I'd do each and every one of 'em. And let you watch.

1) Neil Kramer at Citizen of the Month. Reasons why:
  • Because he makes me laugh almost every damn day, and on the days he doesn't, he makes me think. And then some days he makes me laugh AND think, and then I laugh to think of how surely, he must be destroyed, because to be able to unleash a firestorm of thoughtful-funny is the most dangerous power on earth. Isn't it? Well, it slays me, at least.
  • Because he is a MOTWA (Member Of the Tribe With Attitude).
  • Because he's the kind of guy who likes his women to have real bodies, and his goats to have full rights under the constitution.
  • Because he lives in LA and yet isn't an asshole (I'm beginning to discover this is more common than I once thought).
  • Because he didn't get insulted when I suggested his penis should be part of a roadshow.
  • Because he writes things like this:
Babies are like homeless
They beg and beg for more
They don't pay any taxes
They puke all over the floor.

2) The Communicatrix (aka Colleen Wainwright). Reasons why:
  • Because I wish I had thought up such a cool alter-ego.
  • Because she can do irony without doing bitter
  • Because she's another woman who understands how to do sexy librarian glasses right
  • Because she thinks about how to get to happy, and seems, despite some occasional setbacks, to be actually accomplishing it, which I find heartening.
  • Because she has a "Cheering the Hell Up" series, and she couldn't be more right. It'll slap you into perspective. In a very sweet slapping kind of way, dontcha know.
  • Because she writes things like this:
Anyone who doubts the multiculturalism and quick wit of small town America has not worn pigtails, walked down a main street and had two brothers in a bright yellow TransAm yell "Pippi Longstocking!" at her out the window.

3) Schmutzie at milkmoney or not, here I come. Reasons why:
  • Because when I read her I just, y'know, like her. She's cool. She's the kind of person I'd hang out with in real life. If anyone like her lived where I live now, that is, dammit.
  • Because in just one post (yesterday), she: 1) said she had an "inner goth teen," 2) used the word "ginormous," 3) included the phrase "proof that the world is not solely populated with trolls in human clothing," and 4) admitted one of her favorite things to do is to respond to people with, "Twat? I didn't hear you." I mean, really. How can you not love this girl?
  • Because she is yet another woman who knows how to wear her some sexy glasses, and she collects others who do.
  • Because I like the way she does photography, and the way she designed her blog.
  • Because she seems to have found an actual good relationship, with a cool guy who has a blog of his own and knows who Chris Ware is, all of which gives me hope that my quirky indie-girl-mixed-with-"nice"-girl-mixed-with-secret-sex-kitten ass will eventually be able to do the same. Plus, she's not annoyingly kiss-kiss, lovey-love, rub-it-in-your-face, protests too much about the fact she has a Happy Relationship™. Which leads me to believe she actually does have one, rather than is pretending she has one, like I sometimes suspect is going on with some bloggers.
  • Because she writes things like this:
People are not always sociopathic robots with crossed wires. Sometimes they are thoughtful and sweet and remind me that I, too, can be thoughtful and sweet. We can spread this shit around, people.
4) Ducky (aka Brando, aka Brandon) at One Child Left Behind. Reasons why:
  • Because the blog's name is enough of a reason alone
  • Because he's got a Journey boxed set, and he's not afraid to use it. Or ashamed to admit it.
  • Because he has a fine quarter of a face and has only one interest: wicked awesomeness.
  • Because he's been published in McSweeney's, making me insanely jealous...and yet strangely...tingly...at the same time. Oooh, McSweeney's. Oooh.
  • Because it's mysteriously difficult to figure out where his archives are, and this makes me want him more.
  • Because he can write beautiful shit that's sentimental without being sappy, like this post yesterday.
  • Because he can write other fucking amazing, too-damn-clever shit like this:
I would like to burn in hell for a little while (NOT VERY LONG), so that I might arrive in Heaven refreshed and appreciative. Like cooking with whiskey. You boil off the alcohol and what remains is evocative. I would like to smell ever so slightly of my horrid deeds.
(Ed.: Though "beautiful shit" maybe sounds not-so-nice to some, rest assured that when I resort to calling out obscenities to say how good something is, it's good.)

5) Brooke at The Babbling Brooke. Reasons why:
Brooke's newest to me, so I don't have a whole list for her, but I keep finding myself back at her blog lately. She's a teacher, and she cares about being one, and I find that encouraging. She's also a good writer, and clever-smart. And most importantly, Google sends you to her blog when you search "tattoos, bitches, and bikes." 'Nuff said. I'll be back at her place again.

Finally, I'd feel remiss somehow if I didn't mention two other blogs. I'm separating these two out because one's quiet at the moment and the other's in flux, and though they are more recent obsessions of mine than some, neither is a "new find" the way all those listed above are. But regardless, I just want to give them a nod, because I love them and read them constantly, and I don't think I've ever articulated that.

So, continuing my adoration of all clan Moronosphere:

First, I want to point everyone toward Buck Daruma, my ass, which has LONG been a daily read but which I am heartily ashamed to say I've taken far too long to switch over on my blog list. Buck's a fabulous writer and thinker, and he's all Zen and stuff, too. Buck's ass puts my over-effusive ass to shame. He may or may not be continuing the blog at this point (I'm rooting for "may"), but in any case the archives are muy interesante and give you plenty to hold onto, and I'd encourage you to check 'em out so long as he keeps them up.

Second, I want to point ya'll to The C Word, the blog of that smouldering avianatrix Circe. She, like me, runs on the effusive rather than Zen side, and so she helps me overcome my shame after reading Buck. And she writes about what it's like to be a freaky indie girl/woman in a conservative place, and to feel really damn alone as a result--and boy do I know how that feels. Another femme too smart for her own damn good, and yet, if the world were fair, that phrase would never even exist. When I am queen of the universe, I will change all of this, of course. Her writing style is light, fun, funny, and somehow not depressing even when it's sad. Not sure how she does that. Breezy. That's her word; that's what she writes like.

WELL. That's enough BILF worship for one day. Enjoy yourselves. And of course, avail yourselves of all the other wonderful people listed to the right. The blog world is an odd and beautiful place, full of odd and beautiful people. Go get you some BILFs of your own and send 'em my lustful way.

21 Comments:

Blogger schmutzie said...

It looks like I've got some reading to do. Thanks for the tips.

6/09/2006 3:11 PM  
Anonymous Neil said...

Finally, someone is honest enough to say the real reason for blogging. It isn't writing. It's about finding BILFs!

And thanks. I've been thinking the same about you.

6/09/2006 3:14 PM  
Blogger communicatrix said...

Damn. I'm in some pretty fucking esteemed company.

Thanks for the shoutout. Chicks with Power Lesbian Glasses (The BF's name for them) rawk. Hard.

6/09/2006 5:53 PM  
Blogger Brookelina said...

Neil sent me over to see the nice things you wrote. Thank you! Anyone who calls her blog sexeteria is a future friend of mine.

6/09/2006 6:56 PM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Wow, you guys work fast. Do you have some kind of notification software or something that tells you when people link to you? (Besides Technorati, I mean.)

Schmutzie: Thanks for giving *me* some good reading. You're a delight. And then some.

Neil: (Blushes to think he's been thinking anything about her at all...grasps fast for some kind of clever comeback to cover up embarrassment...) Yes, um, it's all about the BILFs. All us types who never learned to play guitar but can play the hell out of a metaphoric riff--finally, we have an instrument we can use to mesmerize others and lure them into the depths of the virtual tour bus. So, y'know, now you're like the Chaim Klein Witz of the blog world.

And thanks for the compliment. Love reading your blog (not that you need any endorsement from small, meek me, with your 50+ comments a post, but still).

Communicatrix: What are you talking about? You ARE fucking esteemed company, girl! PLGs, huh? I dig it. I wonder what the poor, weak lesbians resort to for eyewear?

In any case, the BF is a wise man to grab you. You are smokin' in 'em.

Brooke: My pleasure. Every word of it true. And I'd be delighted to have you as a future friend; assuming the "future" you're referring to isn't like, I dunno, 2096, because by then I'll be dead and all. And it's hard to be delighted when you're dead. But otherwise--if I'm not dead--I'd be dead chuffed.

6/09/2006 11:43 PM  
Blogger Evil Minx said...

Shit Syl, i love how you write. You crease me up woman. Mon/polyadoramy? Fantastic!

And i'll take a recommendation from you any day of the week. Love the BILF motif (i may steal that, with appropriate credit to be given, natch). Of course, that's if i ever have time with all these incredible new blogs to read. Jeez. You'd think i didn't have a life or something. (Ha!)

Love the glasses. They so suit you, you purring librarian sex kitten you... (not to mention goddess of hellfire.. hee!)

Kisses
Minxy

6/10/2006 12:56 AM  
Blogger Karl Elvis said...

I need to post an updated version of my BILF list.

And you - and you - and you - and you were there. But you couldn't have been, could you?

6/10/2006 3:35 AM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Minx, darling: Why is it every post from you always feels like a giggly hug? I can never write like that! Thanks for being able to. You made me smile when I definitely needed one.

Yeah, I thought I was being prettty damn clever with the BILF thing until Karl Elvis crushed my fragile ego by pointing out to me that there was a BILF meme going around the blog world over a year ago. And yet, I wasn't blogging over a year ago, so at least you can't say I plagiarized without credit.

So, you know, steal away. It's uncopyrighted territory. :)

6/10/2006 8:43 AM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Oh, and re the "goddess of hellfire"--did anyone out there get my (now) obscure The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown reference? Lord knows how I know that, I was barely alive when it came out, but...

I wonder if everyone just thought I really did think I was the goddess of hellfire.

Um, well I really DO think that. But i mean, even so. Did you get the reference?

Karl, you must have gotten it, right?

6/10/2006 8:46 AM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Aw, Karl Elvis, how kind of you to put me on your BILF list four times! ;-P

And aw, Karl Elvis, quoting from my favorite movie.

If you...were king of the Blooogerrrrs...

Each trackback would show respect to you;
The BYLFs, genuflect to you...
Though your tail would lash,
You would show compash
For every underliiiiiiiing.
'F -- you...'f -- you ---
were kiiiinnnnngggggg....
.

'Fess up, pirate man...you know you you fantasize about it every day.

6/10/2006 9:18 AM  
Anonymous Buck said...

Wow.

I spent a whole day - maybe more - trying to think of some way to say thank you, 'cause that's pretty damn flattering. I am officially enamoured of your lovelieness.

And we're all totally stealing the BILF motif.

6/10/2006 6:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I adore you sooooooooo much! oxoxooxoxo You just made my whole entire day.

~The Aviantrix~

6/10/2006 7:22 PM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Buck: You're always implying you're agonizing over how to respond to my posts. Don't you know no matter what you write, it'll be good? And I'll like it? Don't worry so much. :)

Of course, we have opposite problems. When something gets to me, good or bad, I'm likely to respond on impulse and not be able to stop myself, when sometimes it might be wiser if I thought about what I was doing first. Sounds like you might go the other way and don't respond at all and worry it all outo until it's too late (or almost)...

Tell you what. I'll meet ya in the middle, how about?

And thanks for being "enamoured of my loveliness." I'm tempted to negate your compliment with one thing self-pitying and another thing self-degrading, but I'll refrain from doing either.

6/10/2006 8:40 PM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Circilicious:

Considering the days you've been having lately, that makes me feel good to know it gave you a lift.

But, y'know I'm only pointing out what's already there and good that YOU made. So YOU made you feel good. 'Cause I couldn't have written what I did if you didn't write how you do. :)

6/10/2006 8:43 PM  
Anonymous Buck said...

....but of course I agonise over responding to your posts, woman, precisely because I find them so gripping - or in this one case, flattering. I'm still thinking about your two "half hearted" posts and considering what to write, after everyone else has moved on.

Of course, I wouldn't mention it at all if it weren't for the sitemeter that purrs away in the background. People never think about how those things feel from the other side, y'know? And I most especially hate to dissapoint the sexy people.

6/10/2006 11:21 PM  
Blogger ducklet said...

ha! i adored that midwest post from colleen. nice company, indeed. and the fact that i probably wear the same glasses as she does is equally encouraging.

the other 3/4 of the profile is here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/evehorizon/sets/72057594116986959/

as for the archives, well, i can't give it all away...just yet, anyway ;)

thanks for the shout.

6/11/2006 12:36 AM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Buck: (pink cheeks, flustered ducking of head, shoegazing and toeing of ground) You've now called me lovely and sexy within a 24-hour period. Do you want to destroy me? In case I haven't been clear enough yet: (cue robot voice) no. mechanism. for. processing. compliments. confused. pleasure/shame. explosion. imminent.

I don't pay much mind about the stat counter. I look at it for curiosity, but I'm just happy anyone's reading. I don't ever *expect* a comment. Though I won't lie and say I don't like 'em. Mostly I use stat counter to amuse myself with the odd keyword searches that bring people to the blog. Like today, Google sent someone to me who typed in "ask the sexy brain." That's kinda flattering, dont you think?

OH. And I *adore* when men follow up an exclamation with "...,woman!" Why the hell is that so charming? ("Good god, woman!") Men should use it way more with me. It'd get them everywhere.

I use it too, in reverse, but I don't think men notice. Somehow it doesn't work the same ("Good god, man, you're intense!"). No one ever seems to realize that's my fucked up way of flirting.

The other phrase that slays me is "come here to me." No one EVER says that around here. Or at least, not to me. I need to move to Ireland, where both are said pretty commonly.

6/11/2006 1:54 AM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Ducky: Boys with specs who can write rock like Uluru in my book. Thanks for giving up the other 75 percent. The full picture receives a perfect 100% score, most especially because I killed the biased East German judge in the nick of time.

(There's nothing like outdated Olympic nostaglia humor for loosening up a crowd.)

Ah, teasing me by holding out on the archives, eh? Appealing in its way, but see one of my responses to Buck above about my lack of impulse control. When I want something, I'm incapable of resting until I figure it out.

As a result, and due to some minor geek-girl tendencies, I *think* I found an ass-backward, backdoor method for entering your archives (TOTALLY non-hacker-like, in case it sounds like that--just intuitive url typing). But I feel kind of dirty entering you through the backdoor without your permisison, so I'll wait till you're ready to invite me, if you'd prefer.

6/11/2006 2:01 AM  
Blogger ducklet said...

heh. i'm flattered that you would ask me so politely for backdoor entry. you are more than welcome to use any method that suits your fancy.

6/11/2006 4:13 AM  
Blogger Brookelina said...

You rock.

6/11/2006 11:24 AM  
Blogger Ellie said...

Feels like a lovefest here, which is as it should be. A big thanks to Miss Syl for giving me new reading material. x, ellie

6/13/2006 8:26 AM  

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