B.I.L.F.s

In the real world, I tend toward monadoramy. It's my new phrase, to substitute for monogamy. I want to adore someone and be adored by him, and I don't want to share. Mine, mine, mine. In the blogging world, however, I'm polyadoramous. And I've come across a few new bloggers recently (new to ME, that is) who I've been selfishly enjoying all to myself; and now I feel it's time to reveal my secret trysts and share the love.

(Stands up nervously in front of the room, straightens skirt, pats hair, adjusts sexy librarian glasses, opens mouth and says:)

I am the goddess of hellfire, and I bring you:

MISS SYL'S FIRST-EVER LIST OF BILFs.

Let's say the "B" in the acronym stands for "blogs," but y'know, if any of the people I'm writing about prefer to substitute the word "blogger," who am I to object? A shortlist of all my current blog-reading obsessions, each of which is pretty much a daily read of late, but which I've been too damn lazy to move up to my "daily sustenance" list yet.

None of these are "sex blogs," by the way. Reading only sex-themed blogs can get a little boring and repetitive, don't you think? I like people who mix it up and branch out.

So, they may not be sex bloggers, but all of them are smart, funny, lovely, talented, and built for pleasure, regardless. I'd do each and every one of 'em. And let you watch.

1) Neil Kramer at Citizen of the Month. Reasons why:

• Because he makes me laugh almost every damn day, and on the days he doesn't, he makes me think. And then some days he makes me laugh AND think, and then I laugh to think of how surely, he must be destroyed, because to be able to unleash a firestorm of thoughtful-funny is the most dangerous power on earth. Isn't it? Well, it slays me, at least.
• Because he is a MOTWA (Member Of the Tribe With Attitude).
• Because he's the kind of guy who likes his women to have real bodies, and his goats to have full rights under the constitution.
• Because he lives in LA and yet isn't an asshole (I'm beginning to discover this is more common than I once thought).
• Because he didn't get insulted when I suggested his penis should be part of a roadshow.
  
• Because he writes things like this:

Babies are like homeless
They beg and beg for more
They don't pay any taxes
They puke all over the floor.

2) The Communicatrix (aka Colleen Wainwright). Reasons why:

• Because I wish I had thought up such a cool alter-ego.
• Because she can do irony without doing bitter
• Because she's another woman who understands how to do sexy librarian glasses right
  
• Because she thinks about how to get to happy, and seems, despite some occasional setbacks, to be actually accomplishing it, which I find heartening.
• Because she has a "Cheering the Hell Up" series, and she couldn't be more right. It'll slap you into perspective. In a very sweet slapping kind of way, dontcha know.
• Because she writes things like this:

Anyone who doubts the multiculturalism and quick wit of small town America has not worn pigtails, walked down a main street and had two brothers in a bright yellow TransAm yell "Pippi Longstocking!" at her out the window.

3) Schmutzie at milkmoney or not, here I come. Reasons why:

• Because when I read her I just, y'know, like her. She's cool. She's the kind of person I'd hang out with in real life. If anyone like her lived where I live now, that is, dammit.
• Because in just one post (yesterday), she: 1) said she had an "inner goth teen," 2) used the word "ginormous," 3) included the phrase "proof that the world is not solely populated with trolls in human clothing," and 4) admitted one of her favorite things to do is to respond to people with, "Twat? I didn't hear you." I mean, really. How can you not love this girl?
• Because she is yet another woman who knows how to wear her some sexy glasses, and she collects others who do.
• Because I like the way she does photography, and the way she designed her blog.
• Because she seems to have found an actual good relationship, with a cool guy who has a blog of his own and knows who Chris Ware is, all of which gives me hope that my quirky indie-girl-mixed-with-"nice"-girl-mixed-with-secret-sex-kitten ass will eventually be able to do the same. Plus, she's not annoyingly kiss-kiss, lovey-love, rub-it-in-your-face, protests too much about the fact she has a Happy Relationship™. Which leads me to believe she actually does have one, rather than is pretending she has one, like I sometimes suspect is going on with some bloggers.
  
• Because she writes things like this:

People are not always sociopathic robots with crossed wires. Sometimes they are thoughtful and sweet and remind me that I, too, can be thoughtful and sweet. We can spread this shit around, people.

4) Ducky (aka Brando, aka Brandon) at One Child Left Behind. Reasons why:

• Because the blog's name is enough of a reason alone
• Because he's got a Journey boxed set, and he's not afraid to use it. Or ashamed to admit it.
• Because he has a fine quarter of a face and has only one interest: wicked awesomeness.
• Because he's been published in McSweeney's, making me insanely jealous...and yet strangely...tingly...at the same time. Oooh, McSweeney's. Oooh.
• Because it's mysteriously difficult to figure out where his archives are, and this makes me want him more.
• Because he can write beautiful shit that's sentimental without being sappy, like this post yesterday.
• Because he can write other fucking amazing, too-damn-clever shit like this:

I would like to burn in hell for a little while (NOT VERY LONG), so that I might arrive in Heaven refreshed and appreciative. Like cooking with whiskey. You boil off the alcohol and what remains is evocative. I would like to smell ever so slightly of my horrid deeds.

(Ed.: Though "beautiful shit" maybe sounds not-so-nice to some, rest assured that when I resort to calling out obscenities to say how good something is, it's good.)

5) Brooke at The Babbling Brooke. Reasons why:
Brooke's newest to me, so I don't have a whole list for her, but I keep finding myself back at her blog lately. She's a teacher, and she cares about being one, and I find that encouraging. She's also a good writer, and clever-smart. And most importantly, Google sends you to her blog when you search "tattoos, bitches, and bikes." 'Nuff said. I'll be back at her place again.

Finally, I'd feel remiss somehow if I didn't mention two other blogs. I'm separating these two out because one's quiet at the moment and the other's in flux, and though they are more recent obsessions of mine than some, neither is a "new find" the way all those listed above are. But regardless, I just want to give them a nod, because I love them and read them constantly, and I don't think I've ever articulated that.

So, continuing my adoration of all clan Moronosphere:

First, I want to point everyone toward Buck Daruma, my ass, which has LONG been a daily read but which I am heartily ashamed to say I've taken far too long to switch over on my blog list. Buck's a fabulous writer and thinker, and he's all Zen and stuff, too. Buck's ass puts my over-effusive ass to shame. He may or may not be continuing the blog at this point (I'm rooting for "may"), but in any case the archives are muy interesante and give you plenty to hold onto, and I'd encourage you to check 'em out so long as he keeps them up.

Second, I want to point ya'll to The C Word, the blog of that smouldering avianatrix Circe. She, like me, runs on the effusive rather than Zen side, and so she helps me overcome my shame after reading Buck. And she writes about what it's like to be a freaky indie girl/woman in a conservative place, and to feel really damn alone as a result--and boy do I know how that feels. Another femme too smart for her own damn good, and yet, if the world were fair, that phrase would never even exist. When I am queen of the universe, I will change all of this, of course. Her writing style is light, fun, funny, and somehow not depressing even when it's sad. Not sure how she does that. Breezy. That's her word; that's what she writes like.

WELL. That's enough BILF worship for one day. Enjoy yourselves. And of course, avail yourselves of all the other wonderful people listed to the right. The blog world is an odd and beautiful place, full of odd and beautiful people. Go get you some BILFs of your own and send 'em my lustful way.