Friday, February 03, 2006

Women: What Are Your Best Cunnilingus Tips? (Full post, finally.)

Well, based on my hits since I added my post on blowjob tips, hundreds of people are curious about what answers men gave to the blowjob survey. Now if only more people would overcome their shyness and answer, not just lurk!

But I think if that many people would like to know what men think makes for good oral sex, I’m sure there’s a lot of people out there who would appreciate hearing the female point of view on how to give a woman great oral. I would assume that men in particular would love to hear some of this advice straight from “real” women rather than from unrealistic porn videos. I can’t imagine what it must feel like for them when they first come face to face with the mysterious complexity of a new pussy they want to please. I know they say generally men don’t like to be given directions, but my guess is in this particular scenario, they would be more than happy to have a good on-board navigation system.

So, ladies, it’s your turn. Please sound off on the best ways to get you off orally. Share any secret—or not so secret—tips you wish more men knew about. (Note: I’m saying give tips to the boys because, seeing as they don’t own a vulva or a clitoris, they have less of a frame of reference and might want more guidance. But bi and lesbian girls are very welcome to share tips, too. In fact, please do. We all of us want to have better oral.)

Now, unlike in my last post, I am quite familiar with what it feels like to have female genitalia, so I can start the conversation off with a few tips. Here they are. The list is a little long, so click the link below the first tip to get to the full post.

  1. When it comes to women, “any oral is good oral” does NOT apply.
    Unlike how it is for men, just because you’re willing to go down there and start licking doesn’t mean she’s going to come no matter how it’s done. Orgasm is a very emotional as well as physical thing for women. If you don’t get both her mind and senses engaged, she’s not going to get off. Here are some more tips on how to do both.

  2. Don’t head straight for the pussy like a heat-seeking missile.
    I know for a lot of guys, nothing is as exciting as having a woman you’re into start touching your package or start unzipping your fly and heading down south as early on as possible in a make-out session. This is because not only does it feel damn good, but it takes away a certain amount of insecurity—if that happens, you know she’s into you and you’re probably going to be getting some.

    This is NOT—I repeat—NOT the case for women. If you go straight for her genitals right after you start kissing, in most cases it will NOT make her feel good, because she hasn’t been turned on enough. Plus, it will not take away her insecurities by making her think you’re into her. Unlike you, she’s going to be pretty sure already that you want to have sex with her, and she’ll be in the process of deciding if she wants to have sex with you. What will make or break that is generally how willing you are to show you’re into her and her physical needs. Going straight for her pussy, either while clothed or even when you first both get naked together (if you do) is not the way to show her you’re into her physical needs. In fact, it might even make her think you don’t care about her at all and just want to get laid, which for most women would be a serious mood kill, and there’s no coming back from that (ahem). Most women need to get very worked up until they’re at the point where there’s no WAY they’re going to be able to want anything except getting you down there, and quick. So, unless you know your partner very, very well and already know she’s into quickies, if you go straight in for the pussy, you’re significantly lessening your chances you’ll even see her genitalia, let alone get her off. Instead, spend some time stimulating her by kissing, stroking, licking, and caressing every other part of her body first, until she is so worked up, there’s no way she’s going to be able to want anything but to have you down there, and quick. Once she’s already a little worked up, don’t underestimate the power of the tease…touch, kiss, or lick the sensitive areas around the pussy, especially the inner thighs, lower stomach, and mons pubis. Make her start thinking about it, but not getting it. The power of suggestion is has a mighty influence.

  3. Forget all that "letters of the alphabet" nonsense.
    To paraphrase Ron Jeremy in “Porn Star,” (and who would know better than the hedgehog), some women like it clockwise, some like it counter clockwise, some like an up and down stroke, etc., etc. You don’t have to spell out the letters of the alphabet. Just try different motions and see what works. Circles around the clit, direct pressure pusing right on the clit, slow up and down licking, fast little flicks of the tounge…try it all and see what has the best effect. I mean, if it helps you to spell out the letters of the alphabet to figure out what motion works best for your woman, so be it. But the point is, when you find a motion that works, STICK WITH IT. If you reach the letter S and she suddenly starts bucking her hips against your face, don’t fucking move on to T, U, and V. Stick with S, damnit. S, S, S!!! Oh god, Ssssss!

  4. Listen up! Pay attention!
    Some women aren’t shy at all about telling you just what to do and what they like, which takes away all the guesswork. But some women are more embarrassed to express themselves so bluntly during sex. In any case, whether she talks a lot or hardly at all, listen and pay close attention to the noises and motions she makes. If you’re down there and you hear something—an intake of breath, a moan, a “yes,” or if you see her starting to move against your toungue or face in even a slightly less controlled way—stick with what you are doing, you’re on the right track. Keep doing it some more. If she starts to get quieter or to calm down, it’s not working anymore; move on to trying something new until you start hearing/seeing a response again, and then stick with that motion. Recognize that if you here “no, “ “not there,” or “ouch!” you must NEVER go back to that approach. Realize that some women are more sensitive than others in that region. Just because your last partner liked to have her clit nibbled on doesn’t mean that your next partner is going to be able to take that direct approach.

    And most importantly, if at any time you hear her say, “right there!“, “I’m almost there! I’m going to cum!”, or “don’t stop!”…well, mister, DON’T STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING. I recognize it’s hard to continue to keep your motions consistent while she’s thrashing uncontrollably, but you signed up for this job, mate! Do whatever it takes to stay consistent at that moment. There is NOTHING worse than right as you’re about to peak, your partner decides to pause, change his tongue technique, or stop and ask for a blowjob instead. Once the momentum is broken for women, it can take a while to get back up there again. So unless you and your partner are into denial and teasing, stick with it till she’s screaming in ecstasy and tells you she’s done.

  5. Communicate. Ask for tips.
    Since every woman is different, asking how she likes to be given oral doesn’t imply you don’t know what you’re doing. In fact, it shows you DO know something. As you’re getting to know your partner (or even after you know her well), don’t be afraid to ask “do you like that?” It’s pretty sexy to hear a partner ask that anyway, because you know they want you to really feel good. If you’ve got a partner who’s a little less shy, tell her you are going to be her slave for the night—at her total command, there only to give her pleasure, and she needs to tell you exactly what to do to her, when, and how. Step by luscious step. Do this, and she’ll not only be turned on, but she’ll give you a virtual roadmap to how to make her feel good. And, if your partner is even less shy, ask her to demonstrate for you what gets her off. One way to do this is to ask her to masturbate in front of you while you watch. Exciting for you and her! But many women might be very embarrassed to do this, or intimidated by that kind of thing. If you suspect your partner might be, or you don’t know, try this less exhibitionistic alternative. Stand or lay behind her, pressed up against her. After she’s nice and turned on, ask her to take your hand and masturbate herself with it, as if it were her hand. She can bring your hand around the front of her, and use it like a sex toy until she’s overcome with orgasm, but she doesn’t have to see you watching her as she does it. It’s very intimate, and very hot, but less confrontational. Whichever method you use, pay attention to exactly how she touches herself, and then, the next time you go down on her, do the same thing with your tongue. You’ll have her screaming for you in no time.

So, that's a start. Ladies, do all these work for you? If yes, let the guys know. If not, feel free to debate and correct from your point of view. Have more good tips? Please add a comment! Every woman needs to be heard on this one.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Dante Hunter said...

Forget all that "Letters of the Alphabet nonsense..."

Come again? Did I miss something vitally important from Sesame Street? I can still remember how to count to 12 in Spanish, but for the life of me can't remember Maria talking about oral sex. So my curiosity got the best of me, so I googled: "letters of the alphabet, oral sex" and found my way here. It's a nice little addendum to your cunnilingus primer and includes the observation, "The more comfortable you are discussing cunnilingus, the more you'll enjoy performing it--but the best way to excel at cunnilingus is lots of practice." Plus now I know what the alphabet has to do with oral sex... sorta. So thanks; I think.

Always willing to accept good advice and opportunities to practice,

--Dante

2/05/2006 11:55 AM  
Anonymous Passion4Life said...

Very good start sexeteria. I think everyone should be trained in the fine art of oral sex. Thank God, my current man is like a fine painter....uses lots of color and imagination, sometimes uses small strokes and other times just jumps right in and paints the town! Absolutely heavenly. I hope more men come [sic] across your site and start taking notes. Nothing will put a smile on a woman's face faster than a good oral-orgasm!!! Hooray!!

Hi Passion--I had to repost your comments because of problems on my site, and have lost your profile link. If you want to repost so people can link to it, please do. --miss syl

2/05/2006 12:06 PM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Dante: Thanks for the link. I think the tip on not focusing so hard on one area that it gets desensitized is something I missed on my summary. Good point to make, because I was focusing on how they should *stay* on the right spot when the woman was just about there--but before that, you might have to vary a little. But I didn't so much like the attitude behind the advice that seemed to be implying men often found cunnilingus gross and women shouldn't expect to get oral every time. First of all, I don't think it's true for most people who really like sex. And why not, expect it as often as possible, I say (within reason)?

Passion: You lucky girl. Hope your town's getting painted many, many different coats and colors this weekend...

2/05/2006 12:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that was very well done. Keeping in mind that every woman is different is vital. Personally, direct contact to the clit is painful--the hood is a great place to go! And don't complain about how long it takes. I realized that when my man is getting tired, I start to feel sorry, then I lose concentration and it takes even longer. Make her feel like you're ready to be down there for hours and it will be over in a few minutes :) Great work.

11/13/2006 9:00 PM  

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