Serendipity

You know, I was having a day. Walking around, thinking, why the hell am I writing a blog?

There was the usual writer's fear involved. You know that "I reached the end of the Internet" joke? It's like that: what if some day, some week I finish some post and realize, "That's it." I don't have a single original thought left. I got to the core, and the core is empty. You know now that your entire brain and creative being has a shelf life of...(fill in any time frame here).

And then there was the issue of wondering if I really have anything to say that's worthwhile to anyone else. I'd started meaning to make this a discussion group on more theoretical issues related to sexuality. I hadn't meant for this blog to include anything personal, but now sometimes it does. Does that diminish its purpose? I hadn't meant for it to have a post like this, either, but now it does. And I worry about the tightrope I've now stepped out onto--does it mean that the blog is just themeless and unstructured? Am I straddling the line between giving too much of myself to be comfortable and too little of myself to be useful to anyone? Am I just a frigging coward?

I wasn't going to post any of this, even though I was thinking it all day. I wasn't going to post anything. I get kind of annoyed when bloggers post those "maybe I'll just bag it all" entries. It always feels like they're begging for compliments--please, someone, love me. I'm not posting this to beg for compliments or to get you to beg me to continue (if anyone even would do that, which I have no reason to believe, of course).

I'm only posting because it turns out now it makes a good story. There I was, having a day, wondering why don't I just stop, is this thing of any use to me, or to anyone, really, etc., etc. Thinking maybe the wisest thing to do would be to stop hiding in the electronic world behind a pseudonym and just get out there in the trenches and work solely on my outside life, which lately has needed some serious repair work, and which I am doing, though slowly.

So yeah, I was walking around like that, feeling the whole endeavor was useless. And then I looked at my stats and came across this post someone wrote today.

Sometimes timing is everything. Thanks, Amber.

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And, for what it's worth (if it's worth anything), here are just some little snippets that are also on my mind, because I can't seem to focus on more serious topics today:

• I've been blogging for 3 months now. I've had 22,000-plus unique visitors. I am actually so new at this, I have no idea if that's an impressive number or not. I mean, it's impressive to me, but is that a lot for your first three months? Some of you more experienced bloggers might be able to tell me.


• I took a "restorative yoga" class today and it was...actually restorative. Which is a very good thing. I'm going back.


• In the food porn category: I've discovered a new cheese passion that I need to proselytize about. Lemon Stilton (it's the one on the lower right). It's white Stilton cheese, with pieces of lemon peel infused into it. White Stilton is not like the more famous Stilton blue cheese (it's immature, and I'm guessing mold-free, and hence not all bluey-tasting). It's creamy and sort of tangy, but has a mild smoothness to its finish. And the lemon rind adds all this pungence and sweetness to the cheese that makes it taste exactly like an amazing piece of lemon cheesecake, but without all the sugar. Mmmmm. You must, must, must try this.


• Remember how in this post, I chose an orchid for myself? I recant. I was passing a whole bunch of orchids on my way into Whole Foods (where I found the Lemon Stilton, by the way), and man, those things are all flowery stanky. I hate perfume-y flowers. So if I'm still going to be an orchid, it has to be a vanilla orchid. That, I like.

And um, why am I posting all this random nothingness when I should be writing something impressive or responding to all your thoughtful comments from yesterday? Well, in the words of the divine Miss Lili Von Shtupp:

>>Testify, Lili!<<

The woman speaks the truth, people. ("Right, girls?")

So, more significant stuff tomorrow, I think. Happy Friday night, all. Go get some of whatever it is you want, and gimme a little bit of that, too.

(Photo credit: HDR Birdgate from Automatt. And thanks to The Man Himself for the musical hosting bail-out.)