Sunday, April 23, 2006

When Talking Dirty Turns Ugly: Where's Your Line in the Sand?

Just as an aside...

It is absolutely stunning where I live today--the perfect spring day--sunny, not too warm, not to hot. It rained all day yesterday, so the grass smells fresh and moist, but everything is dry enough to walk and sit on, and everything is temperate and green and scented and full of vibrancy.

I live near a river, in a very old the part the city that can only be described as “Quaint,” with a BIG-ass capital Q. I'm sure the word "Charming" gets thrown around a lot, too. It's the kind of Quaint and Charming tourists flock to in great numbers. And to pander to the tourism, the town council has also generously decided to make the main tourist centre a free and open wifi hotspot.

So picture if you will:

Your bloganatrix, sitting on a park bench with her very sleek silver laptop, surrounded by low hanging leaves, tour boats, red colonial brick, and sluggish, smiling, overfed and overcharged tourists. They walk by her, encouraging her to smile at their precocious progeny as they run around her, while she types a piece about the foulest, most disgusting thing anyone has ever said to her in bed.

Bad, evil, woman, me.

The things I do for you people.

Anyway, just setting the scene. Here's the real post now.

Today's topic reminded me of an old cartoon from the brilliant book "Love is Hell," an early collection of comics from Matt Groening's Life in Hell comic (his day job before he became a bazillionaire by creating The Simpsons). I give you said cartoon to open the discussion:

(Click the image to get a larger, clearer version.)

Some things you just don't want to hear in bed. Which brings me to my point--talking dirty. Where's your line? What could someone say to you in bed that would turn you right off?

For me, well, it would be a very sizeable understatement to say I’m comfortable with dirty talk in bed. In fact, I don’t think sex is nearly as good without it.

Okay fine, I love dirty talk.

And there's very little you can say to me that would freak me out or that wouldn't turn me on. I love the basic, affectionate dirty talk (“I love how wet you are,” “You’re making me so fucking hard,” “Just hearing your voice in my ear makes me want to come,” “I can’t wait to be inside you,” “Oooh, yeah, just like that, that’s so gooood,” etc.) And given the right person and the right circumstance, I love something a little more hardcore, too. Want to tell me (or have me tell you) that I’m such a bad (or good) little girl? That you’re going to fuck me so hard the only word I’m going to be able to remember is your name? That you want me to swallow every inch of your hard cock? That I’m your dirty little slave-whore, and you’re going to show me what happens when your will is disregarded?

Please do.

You don't need me to go on, do you? You get the picture—you can say just about anything to me, and if I’m into you, it’s going to get me hot. And I’ll have no problem talking dirty to you, either.

But even an aurally fixated person like me has her (or his) limits. There’s going to be something someone says to you in bed that just grosses you out, or stops you cold and makes your libido come crashing down faster than the Bush administration’s credibility polls.

So I put the question out to all of you. What has been said to you in bed that made you cringe? Or, if it's easier or more fun, take it out of the personal context and just answer theoretically. What words or kinds of sex talk drive you up the wall and turn you off immediately? What would be the worst thing anyone could say to you during the act that would make it nearly impossible for you to recover and get back into it?

I’m going to tell you mine. But I’m still so cringingly embarrassed by it that I’m too shy to even say it in my main post. So I’ll do the equivalent of blushing and hiding behind my hair as I tell you by hiding the story in my own comments window. Click the comments link below if you want to expose me.

But if you do read it, you’d better to share your worst-ever sex talk stories/opinions with me!


Blogger Miss Syl said...

Okay, here goes:

(Deep breath...)

So I was in bed with a lover and we had had a *very* lengthy sex session of several hours. We just couldn’t get enough of each other—it just kept going and going. We’d done every position, gotten each other off multiple times. We were covered in each other’s sweat (and everything else), and we were both utterly, happily exhausted. But as a result of all the stimulation, my boyfriend had worked me up so much that my body just couldn’t calm down. It kept moving involuntarily; I simply could not stop moving my hips—it was like my whole body kept humming after the orgasm and wasn’t going to stop until something was done. And seeing this going on, my boyfriend got this huge grin on his face, and he went in for more. He started stimulating me again with his hand. This sent me completely over the edge and I thought I was going to lose my mind. I just kept coming and coming against his hand, over and over again. I was writhing on the bed, I was so overwhelmed, and my body Just. Could. Not. Stop. As this was happening, I was so wet from all the extended sex play that his fingers were fairly slipping inside me without his even trying, sucking him in as I just kept spasming against him. At which point he laughed unbelievingly, looked straight at me with his finger in my cunt as I was writhing in ecstasy below him and said in this mocking tone,

“Well, Jesus, don’t bite it off!”

Game over.

In a split second, I went from feeling the best I’d ever felt in my life, marveling at the amazing rapturous heights my body was capable of reaching, to feeling like I’d just had my pussy referred to as an emasculating, over-eager monster with teeth, ready to cut off appendages. Needless to say, I wasn't in the mood anymore, and whatever I'd been experiencing before, there was no way I was getting back there.

A girl has her limits. Say any sexual thing you want to me, have me play any role with you, but don’t make me feel ashamed of the unreserved enthusiasm of my pussy or my libido—not if you want to ever experience any more of it, at least.

*Shudder.* I know it should be just funny in restrospect. But even after all this time, thinking of that comment still makes me feel angry and mortified on some level. And for some reason, I'm hugely embarrassed to admit even now, despite knowing how stupid a thing it was to say (which the guy in question immediately realized and apologized profusely for afterwards).

Ew. May nothing like that ever happen again in my entire sex life.

Now, you tell me what *you* don’t like to hear in bed.

4/23/2006 9:22 PM  
Blogger Cherrie said...

You do like to challenge us, don't you?

My problem in rising to the challenge is that I have had few bad experiences in bed. How have I been so fortunate to be spared the jerks and inconsiderate morons that everyone else commenting here seems to have encountered?

And how could a man be so thoughtless as to repay your lusty oral attention with sarcasm? Hell, I might have bitten his damn thing off if he had done that to me.

My biggest turn-off? Comparing me to another woman he's had either during or after the act. If you know me very, very well and/or if I have and want a chance to bed the woman, I can handle it. But when someone is with me under other circumstances, I demand his full and undivided devotion, just as I am giving him mine.

Let's see how many guys can keep it up after I tell them so-and-so has a bigger, harder or more pleasing cock.

4/24/2006 12:29 AM  
Anonymous Tory said...

I have never had that line crossed. It would take a lot for me to loose my erection. I would like to say if she called out some other guys name but i would probably just end up fucking her harder if that happened.
But here in this

very story
is something that would kill my penis for sure. enjoy kids.

4/24/2006 3:01 AM  
Anonymous Buck said...

comment on your experience: I'd never find that funny. If someone did that to me, it would piss me off even unto my twilight years. And it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

comment requested as payment for reading your experience: Is probably along similar lines. An example: I've suspended (almost) all blogging activity to focus on the woman in my life while she's here. Just now she pinged me from the lab to ask about writing up this morning's dirty talk, which involved subverting winnie-the-pooh characters -- "would you like me to show you what tiggers do best?"

I find it hard to concentrate on pillow talk in bed - I find that the act of physical sex takes up all my focus, and that words literally run dry most of the time - but In the past with various partners I've roleplayed most of the standard stereotypes, including incest and rape fantasies. Thinking about it, though, I can't abuse my partner. It's not in me to call anybody a slut or a whore. I can hear it (though generally it doesn't do anything for me - I treat it as background noise) but it's not something I'm prepared to say.

4/24/2006 3:16 AM  
Anonymous AnotherSexBlogger said...

I had a sex partner once tell me that he could "smell my desire." I know he was saying that that turned him on, but... ewww. Too much social conditioning about how it smells bad "down there." That's all I could think about after he said that.

And, miss syl, I'm so glad to read that someone else has experienced that involuntary hip rocking thing!

I guess my choice of a bad thing to say in bed is also one that "[made] me feel ashamed of the unreserved enthusiasm of my pussy or my libido"... bad bad bad

4/24/2006 4:58 PM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Cherrie: Yeah, comparisons to others are never a good idea, unless they're overwhelmingly positive. But even then, I always wonder why the person would have a need to trash someone else. A nice, general, "You're the best I've ever had" will work just fine.

I haven't had many bad experiences, either. But that one was icky enough to last me a bit. I suppose there are certain words that don't resonate with me in bed, though. Stupid nicknames for genitals, for instance--particularly ones that sound childish, like "boobies" or "chubby" or adding "junior" to one's first name to refer to one's penis. It wouldn't be a *total* mood kill, I guess, but it always makes me wonder about the person and feel like I'm sleeping with someone whose sexual brain never matured.

As for the guy in question in my story, I truly don't think he intended to be cruel, even though it had that result. I think aneurysm was a bit overwhelmed by the moment, was kind of incredulous at what was going on and had a verbal anurism. Or at least that was his story when he started apologizing. :)

Any other time, he was very respectful (and good) in bed. Not that it excuses the comment, of course...

4/24/2006 9:16 PM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Tory: I'm afraid I'm guilty of once doing that calling out the wrong name thing (looking shamefaced). You never think it could ever happen to you and then your mouth just blurts it out...

But you're right, it didn't phase the guy much. I just got a good spanking for it.

That story you linked to...I don't know which is more wrong, that the girl didn't tell him in advance about her colostomy bag or his insensitive way of dealing with it when he found out (even though something tells me from his writing style that at least the last quarter of the story is total bullshit). So yeah, colostomy bag or no, bad communication is just a total mood kill.

4/24/2006 9:24 PM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Buck: Thanks for stopping by during your hiatus. I'm missing your blog. But I'm glad to hear that you're absent for pleasurable rather than alarming reasons.

I don't even want to hear where the two of you went with the name "Pooh" then...

Okay, maybe I do.

I should specify: I don't need role playing or lots of verbage to enjoy the moment. In fact, when the guy gets nonverbal and just moans or growls, I tend to like that even better. I just like to hear someone turned on, and however he expresses that in sound is good with me...but if he *needs* to express it with words, also very good.

Yeah, I think I may have a limit with the word "whore." For some reason I don't mind "slut" (in the right context), but "whore" is a little much. Slut can sometimes sound teasing or playful. Whore just sounds angry and mean.

Though no one's ever called me that (and it'd be pretty ironic if they did), so who knows, maybe I'd respond differently than I think I would...

4/24/2006 9:30 PM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

anothersexblogger: Absolutely *adore* the name. Laughed out loud.

"Smell your desire"...for some reason that keeps reminding me of Spinal Tap's "Smell the Glove."

And yep, glad you've experienced some hip rocking of your own. Hip I hope every damn person in the world can experience it at some point.

4/24/2006 9:34 PM  
Blogger ArtfulDodger said...

Well being in a sexless marriage for a long time doesn't lead to much sex talk in the bedroom. And the ever luscious Lady L would never say anything that would turn me, or hasn't yet.

I know something like this happened once but I can't remember it for some reason.

But I think the line shifts and moves around depending on the moment in question. Something said at one moment might mean nothing, but if said in another could be taken the wrong way.

4/24/2006 9:39 PM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

Artful Dodger: Probably true. For instance, you could say anything to me you damn well please, and I'd like it. ;-)

(Don't worry, Lady L., I'm just teasin'--he's all yours!)

Oh, and I've been behind with everything lately. I've been meaning to tell you I'm in on the blogstormz thing. I was actually gonna head over there when you posted.

4/24/2006 9:45 PM  
Blogger AlwaysArousedGirl said...

"Forgive me for this vile sin..."

That made me giggle.

So did the colostmy bag story someone linked.

I've written about the worst thing anyone ever said to me in bed. In brief:

The husband had gone down on me and of course I'd come. In a happy glow, I murmured, "How did I taste?"

His answer, "Eh, ok."

Glow over.

: (

4/24/2006 11:45 PM  
Blogger Miss Syl said...

AAG: I believe the correct response would have been, "Let me show you." sometimes. Or, to quote the same cartoonist in the same book, talking to women:

"Face it. Men are dopes--gorillas--sweaty, lumbering beasts--and to get their attention you have to fool 'em--trick 'em--practically whack em on the nose with a rolled up newspaper."

Not my advice, mind you--a man's. But I think it sounds like the husband's nose could use a little whackin'.

4/25/2006 12:53 AM  
Blogger Shon Richards said...

The 'don't bite it off' comment was way out of place. I'd be horrifed forever by it. People say stupid things in the moment.

The worse thing that can be said to me is any sort of daddy or other father figure reference. Ewww. Being called Daddy is instant erection killer.

4/25/2006 2:03 PM  
Blogger My Inner Hell said...

Very, very HOT!

4/26/2006 10:34 PM  
Blogger Anastasia said...

There are some things that are a bit too toey for me, but I only know that while I'm 'there' in the act. Most of the time, once it's all over and done with, time's gone past, I forget them but the one word (as a descriptive word) that I find difficult to take in the real face to face in the sack sense is 'cunt'.

I'm not sure whether it's the accent (depending on where a person is from), but the word cunt uttered in an Australian accents is like an aural car crash to me in bed.

But there's also what you mention, how much a person is into the other person. If I'm totally into the other person, I'll push it aside, but if I'm so-so, I'll wonder (as soon as something aurally awful exits) what I'm doing there in the first place.

4/27/2006 9:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I'm with a hot gal, I really get turned on when she says/shouts the "c" word. It's really slutty, but gawddamn it works for me!

6/02/2006 10:37 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<<Back to Sexeteria home