Saturday, January 21, 2006

Sugasm #18

Lots and lots of excellent reading this week. Enjoy. And thanks to Sam Sugar at Sugarbank for compiling it all.

The best of the blogs by the bloggers who blog them (this week starting with the letter ‘S’):

Sex Type Thing (
Six Girls Skinny-dipping on Abby Winters (
Coach T…..Chapter Two (
Sometimes You Just Miss Having A Penis (
Strapping One On? (
Tangled up (
The Listening Brief (
True Secret: A Night With A Star (
Vixen, In All Her Sultry, Devilish, Glory (
Brett and Hiromi interview themselves (
Hot teen lesbian sex on Sapphic Erotica (
Condom Conversation… (shayssexcolumn)
Cherished (
Dante’s Guide to Cybersex–Part II: Descriptive Writing(
Darkness (
Exactly where I want you… (
Expectations (
Father Knows Best (
Fucking Wifey To Make Me Jealous (
How do you jack-off? (
How to Get a Killer Lapdance (
Hot teen lesbian sex on Sapphic Erotica (
I might like you bettah if we shaved togethah (
KITKAST #1.12 - AVN 1/2, Howard Stern and Porn Battle Kits(
Masturbation (
Mindfucking and Oral Service (
Men: What Are Your Best Blowjob Tips? (
More angie6969 (
My best fuck (
Phone (
My Fun Night at Work (MOCK POST) (
Realizing Mortality (
Join the Sugasm?

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Men: What Are Your Best Blowjob Tips?

I'm currently reviewing two different sex-themed books that both include tips on fellatio, and it brings up a question I'd like to get more widespread feedback on from the men out there. Mainly, what really makes for a great blowjob.

I was once listening to a sex chat show on the radio where a female called in and said she was worried that she wasn't giving her boyfriend a good enough blow job, and she wanted to know if there were hints she could look out for that would give away whether or not she was doing it well. The male host's advice to her was not to be concerned, because essentially all guys feel that if they're getting a blowjob at all, it's a great blowjob.

But I've always wondered if it's true. And I'm sure it's something that many straight women wonder about.

Being a non-penis-carrying member of the FCLU (Female Contingent of Lust Universal), I can pretty much get a mental sense of what most acts during sex must feel like for a man, except for what it must feel like to have a blowjob. This remains a big question mark for me, because I simply have no frame of reference, and never will. And though I've never had any complaints or requests for anything different from any of my male partners when I ask for feedback, I've always wondered if men are just afraid to tell a woman to change her technique. I suspect men might worry that any constructive criticism could lead to insecurity or resentment on the women's part and--horror!--that might mean the end of all blowjobs for the guy altogether.

Or, maybe, as the DJ said, men think any blowjob is great, so they're just simply satisfied that they're getting one and they don't care about making it SUPER great. But why shouldn't they care?

And anyway, I just plain find it hard to believe any blowjob is good. First of all, when I ask my male friends if the DJ's statement was true, every single one of them will first say yes. But then when questioned further, they will tell me some people are far better at it then others and they are ready to wax poetic about what makes the good ones good.

And further proof to me is that in reverse, there are definitely men that are better and worse at cunnilingus. I can't imagine every woman is naturally great at oral sex. And, just as I'm certain any slightly more clueless or intimidated man facing an expectant pussy is quite grateful for any gentle roadmap directions a woman can give him to help him navigate down there, women would probably be equally as happy to get gently helpful advice.

So, men of the blogosphere, now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their cuntry. Help a sister out.

Please sound off about the best ways to suck you off. Share any secret--or not so secret--tips you wish more women knew about. Or IS any blowjob a good blowjob?

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Sugasm #17

I'm very excited--my first Sugasm entry (even if my blog's name falls low on the letter list so I'm not in the first 20...oh well). Can't wait to read everyone else's, too. Have a look.

For those who might read this and don't know, this is the genuis idea of the brilliant Sam Sugar over at SugarBank, a site definitely worth many a visit. AND he's not only a brilliant idea generator; he's also a very good writer, and he has a very hot voice. The trifecta of attraction in my book.

Sugasm #17

The best of the blogs by the bloggers who blog them (this week starting with the letter ‘H’):

Thursday, January 12, 2006

See what I mean about peaches?

Just came across this. I dare you to deny this is the world's most sensual fruit.

I know you're ready to lick it right now. Click to enlarge if you need more inspiration.

Take a bite of peach... Originally uploaded by whatmeworry101.

My Name is Sylvie, and I am an Aural Onanist

Okay, I need to come clean. I love phone sex. LOVE it.

This is probably primarily because I just love sound during sex in general. For me, quiet sex is okay, but if you really want to get me crazy, moan into my ear just how good you're feeling and I'll climb the walls; and most likely every inch of you, as well.

I also believe in reciprocating in kind, of course. I'm perfectly happy saying things to men that would make other women blush. In fact, I prefer doing so--and it's especially cute and rewarding if I can say something that will makes the man blush, too (in a good way, of course--maybe "flush" rather than "blush" is the right word).

In general, my phone sex has been restricted to men I've been in relationships with. But I have tried it twice with strangers, as a sort of experiment. And while I still much prefer both real and imagined sex to be with someone I know intimately, I find it interesting that in the physical realm, I generally can't fully enjoy sex or reach a full orgasm unless it's with someone I know and trust. Whereas, I have been able to come while having phone sex with a stranger. I'm not sure why this is, but I'm guessing there are two possibilities:

1) The person on the phone has to make sounds throughout the act, so I know what's going on. In physical sex, many men often try to imitate the male porn star thing where they stay quiet during sex except during the blow job and orgasm stages (so annoying). So during phone sex, I'm getting constant aural stimulation, which is a constant exciter for me.

2) It feels like there is less serious fallout consequence from a one-night phone stand than a one-night real-life stand. There aren't any STDs or potential pregnancies to worry about. The other person doesn't know where you live (assuming you're unlisted or you block caller ID), and you're not going to run into him in Starbucks the next morning. Well, I mean, you could, but you wouldn't know it if you did. So no uncomfortable conversations.

In any case, as I am currently partnerless, I don't have phone sex nearly as often as I would like. And yet, ironically, I'm often told (even by people I am not having the slightest sexually-tinged conversation with) that I was blessed with a voice that instantly stimulates the male libido, particularly over the phone. Not saying this to brag, mind you, it's just something I've been told spontaneously so many times that I figure it must be true--though to me I just sound like...myself. Anyway, here: you be the judge.

this is an audio post - click to play

So, the facts: 1) I love phone sex. 2) I have a phone sex operator voice. 3) I have no one to have phone sex with.

It's enough to get a girl thinking about quitting her respectable day job and going pro. So today, I am especially interested by this post by Katie over at Talking Dirty, about how to be a phone sex operator. Definitely looking forward to part two.

I wonder if I could satisfy my aural fixation AND make more money than I'm currently earning. I suspect not. And I probably would prefer getting it for free where the conditions are more egalitarian. But still, it's an interesting least a good one to fall asleep to after I sign off tonight.

In any case, if you're interested in other types of long-distance sex, too, you might also want to check out another blog link I found via Katie's site: Dante's Guide to Cybersex.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Great Writing About Bad Sex

It's rare that someone has a real talent for writing about sex. By that I mean, someone who can not just capture the stuff that gets us hot and hard or wet, but who can also make us feel the reality of it all as if you are right in the act with him or her, experiencing the complex web of feelings involved, both positive and sometimes negative. The dizzying pull of desire, the rushing groundswell of victory at the first discovery that, yes, he or she wants me, and he or she is about to..., the anxious persistence of the ticking clock hidden behind the wall of performance anxiety, the moment of "is this the right thing to do?" doubt, the spasm of pleasure that makes you lose all thought for a moment before it all comes flooding back, and it all repeats again and again and again...all the many things that may or may not layer on top of each other in one single moment, or during one single touch.

Anyway, you rarely find something that makes you feel it all. And I came across this short piece by poet and memoirist Nick Flynn in "Nerve," and I have to say, it was one of those rare lit-sex moments where I felt like I was actually in bed with him--not WITH him, as in being the partner in the story, but in his body, behind his eyes and ears and brain and nerve endings. And it felt amazing. Despite the fact that he was supposedly writing about bad sex.

If you like it, go check out his website, too. It's here. I hadn't heard of him before but it appears he has a really interesting memoir with a genius title: "Another Bullshit Night in Suck City." Just that alone makes me want to read it. So, go on, support a starving writer.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Keep Rolling, Dammit! Sex Scenes I Wish They Would Have Filmed

All this talk about films keeps clouding my head this week. The comment in the Y Tu Mama post about "sex that wasn't really sex" got me thinking about which fades-to-blacks I wish I could have lifted up the shade on, and/or which almost-coitus-but-interruptus moments I wish would have turned into full-blown cinema lust fests. Here's what I've got so far:

  • Kate Winslet and Jim Carey in bed under the blanket in that gorgeously emotional scene in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

  • The four-Monkees-on-one-girl scene at the beginning of "Head" (come on, you KNOW you'd wanna see it)

  • Mae West and Cary Grant in "She Done Him Wrong"

  • The threesome in the pool or in the hotel bedroom (either/or/both) in "Laurel Canyon"

  • Not a movie, but still: In "Six Feet Under," the scene between Nate and Lisa in the woods where he tells her in great detail what he's about to do to her, before he starts to do it--mm, mm, mm, perfectly crafted dirty-talk scene

  • Really didn't like this movie, but I still would have liked to see Colin Firth act on that one moment at the end of "Bridget Jone's Diary" where he's just gotten into her flat and it looks like it's all he can do to keep from ripping her clothes off. Good acting, there, Colin. I'd have let you.

  • The infamous cutting-room floor scene between the Sleaze Sisters in my favorite grrl cult film of all time, "Times Square"

  • Darryl Hannah and Aidann Quinn in "Reckless" (did anyone ever see that film besides me?)

  • Frank N. Furter with Brad and/or Janet in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"

I had a lot of more current examples in my head this afternoon, but I'm tired right now. Maybe you can help me add to the list.

I Want to Suck Your Bivalves

I've noticed that just about every food listed as an aphrodisiac I just plain out love. Look at this list here. I adore every one of those: Pine nuts, bananas, caviar, cucumbers...The page pretty much lists the menu of my dream meal (paying attention, potential suitors?). And peaches, oh yes. For me, a fragrant, juicy summer peach is more convincing evidence of the existence of a higher being than any religious tract I've ever read.

But more than any of the above I crave oysters. Just the thought of those soft, cold, wet, salty things sliding down my throat sends me to my knees. The mere mention of them, even a passing reference, and I'm instantly craving. I'm craving them now, just writing to you about them. God, first person to offer to take me out for oysters gets...hmmm, to listen to me make some verrry appreciative noises, how about that?

Of course, there's a lot of debate about whether aphrodisiacs really have any effect at all, or if it's simply the power of suggestion. But it seems an interesting coincidence to me at least that I have a healthy libido and a pretty healthy craving for just about every stated aphrodisiacal kind of food out there. And many of them I had a solid love for long before I was old enough to know what the word "aphrodisiac" meant.

It would be an interesting experiment to hear from others out there and see if their sex drives, high, medium, or low, match with the amount of aphrodisiacs they crave.

Also, any votes for foods that ought to be placed on the aphrodisiac list that aren't commonly? I might vote for cashews, and maybe chanterelle and/or morel mushrooms. Mmmm, in fact, why not slice all three of those up, sautee them all together with a little butter and sherry, and slowly drizzle the mixture on...

I'll let you imagine the rest.

Beach Blanket Fatwa

According to one religious type, being fully naked during sex annuls a marriage. I can see it now, millions of couples applying for remarriage every single morning. "I'm sorry, I can't help it...I got a little carried away and annulled all over myself." And hey, what an easy out for divorce from someone you secretly despise. Get them all hot and bothered, "accidentally" let the blanket slip, and then...straight to court proceedings.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Et tu, Mama, También?

Also, while we're talking about movies, I have to have a little rant that's been brewing inside for quite a while. WHY is it that for the past few years, whenever you ask someone to name a sexy film, they almost inevitably say, "Y Tu Mama También?"

Don't get me wrong, it was a fine piece of film making. And the actors were nice eye candy. But why do people think it's the uber-sexy film of all time? Was anyone actually watching during the sex scenes that were in that movie? Sure, they hinted at a threesome, but you never saw that. And the two sex scenes that you DID see were both awful, bumbling first-sex attempts by the two virginal young men, and the filmmaker shows that they orgasmed so fast that the woman didn't even get any satisfaction.

One of the things that I find especially funny is that so many macho straight man types say the film is really sexy, when in fact the only really sensual moment is when all three of them are dancing together and then the woman gets the two men to kiss. After the fade out, they wake up and she's not even around. So, WAS it a threesome? We don't really know. And while certainly, if they were able to manage to overcome the premature ejaculation thing with each other, I'm certain they had a nice, sexy time together, it definitely makes you wonder what straight guys are referring to in the film as being hot. Is there some secret, Brokeback Mountain thing going on inside all men, hmmmm? Or maybe they find the whole wham-bam, leave the chick unsatisfied thing sexy. But based on the men I've known, I doubt most men would feel good about that.

Anyway, PLEASE. Let's get over this film already. Everyone can stick to the other two common standards these days instead: Secretary and Amelie. Which at least were more legitimately sexy than Y Tu Mama.

What would be your vote for best on-screen sex (porn excepted)?

Some that I thought were notable that you don't hear about much (though I also liked Secretary, but everyone says that):

Robert Downey, Jr. and Heather Graham in Two Girls and a Guy
David Wenham and Susie Porter in Better than Sex (all of it's good, but I liked the bathtub scene the best)
And a good "sex that wasn't sex scene": The conversation in the car/parking garage in Laurel Canyon

Tell me yours.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Hollwood Actors Have Orgasms Surgically Removed to Stay Competetive

So in this post on, the writer catalogues his votes for the "Ten Great Hollywood Orgasms." To his credit, he tried to include men's orgasms in the list, but they're all either joke orgasms ("There's Something About Mary") or just scary weird (Dennis Hopper in "Blue Velvet"). All the reader responses primarily mentioned female orgasms.

Which makes you realize something odd's going on here. There's lots of sex going on in mainstream cinema, but when we're talking serious orgasm moments (as opposed to jokey ones), it seems they turn the mike up on the females and turn it OFF on the males. What's up with that? Can you name five good, realistic male orgasms on the mainstream screen? (And I'm not talking obscure indie here, because yes, I know, "The Brown Bunny," Gregg Araki, blah blah blah. No, I mean the big money stuff people OTHER than us indie freaks go to see.

If you can think of a good, mainstream male orgasm example, post it here.

Although, hm, that orgasm in King Kong was impressive.

For Every Reaction...

Okay, so half a day ago I just went on about good function, bad form. And today, I just came across the opposite example--the height of form with no real function. So, thought I'd share.

This one's called "The Senator," heh. It's part of an artist's exhibit that had very beautifully designed, and sometimes whimsical male genital forms. The artist's name (should we believe her?) is Sue Long. Apparently her intent was to "expose and exploit men." But it kind of feels like a wee bit of good old-fashioned penis envy to me (just kidding there, Sue...or am I)? But really, even the ones poking fun feel more like an affectionate joke
than the crass exploitation of women's bodies she says she's trying to counteract. And sometimes, they're even quite lovely. See?

You can buy the "Nimrod" and "Main Vein" for the price of about two high-end vibrators. Everything else is pretty expensive. Check out the exhibit site to see more at The Penis Project.

Make sure you check out the title of each piece. Those are priceless.

Thanks to Daze Reader for the original mention.

Buzz Kill: Or, Does "Ugly is as Ugly Does" Also Apply to Vibrators?

Let me begin with a story. A while back, I suggested to this guy I was seeing that he buy me a vibrator. Based on the conversation we'd been having that preceded this request, I thought it would make his day (or night?) to pick one out for me.

He presented it to me all wrapped up. And when I opened the box, it was...

...The ugliest f'ing thing I'd ever seen in my life.

I so wanted to be able to show you a photo of the exact model of this disaster of design, but I just spent a half an hour scouring sex toy sites trying to track it down and I can't find it anywhere. I don't know the brand name anymore because I have since gotten rid of it. The closest idea I can give you of what it looked like is a caucasian-flesh-toned version of this:

Yes, that's right. He gave me what looked suspiciously like a penis covered in genital warts. It's kind of like you suggesting your boyfriend buy you something sexy that he'd like to see you wearing and he comes back with one of those yellow bio-hazard suits. Talk about a mood kill.

Now, TECHNICALLY, the thing was perfectly functional. It could achieve its intended purpose. But in all honesty, it always took me way longer to get to that intended purpose with that ugly-ass thing, because just looking at it always grossed me out. But it was a gift, and you don't want to be mean spirited and look a gift vibe in the...okay, well, I can't really think of a good pun here.

But in any case, it got me thinking about form and function in the vibe category. And let's face it, while we all of us, men and women alike, probably appreciate the function just fine on many, many different types of these handy gadgets, you've got to wonder what vibe manufacturers are thinking about in terms of form.

[And by the way, I want to meet the girl/guy who gets to say "I am a vibrator designer" when people ask her/him what she/he does for a living.]

I mean, who is behind some of these ideas? Let's have a look, shall we? (Note: links are NOT safe for work)

  • First we have the "vibe that I'm too embarrassed to admit IS a vibe" vibe (VTITETAIAVV).
    For instance, a vibrator that looks like a tube of lipstick. No offense to whomever designed this, but honestly, ladies: When was the last time you looked at a REAL tube of lipstick and said, "That is so damn HOT; I NEED that in my hoo-hoo right NOW?" And along with that, I know this scenario has got to have happened more than a few times: someone gets a little drunk, the hotel room is dark...fumbling and overcome with desire, she grabs the wrong tube from her suitcase and...messy, messy situation, people.

  • Next, we have a close cousin to the VTITETAIAVV, the "I secretly want to do an animal" vibe.
    In this category, designers apparently assume we're going to get turned on by dolphins, majorly freaky-lookin' letch penguins, and poisonous cobras. Okay, so aside from the one exception who probably works for the Jim Rose Sideshow, I'm pretty damn sure I know the reaction that any man would have if I were to say, "Hey, how would you feel about sitting there while I aim a cobra at your unprotected penis?" I'm predicting you're NOT going to get an uplifting response, if you catch my drift; which I know you do.

  • Lest we forget, there is also the the frighteningly realistic-looking "serial killer amputated body part" vibe! Woo hoo!
    These little (and not so little) beauties would give any aspiring Jeff of Josephine Dahmer plenty of hot times!

  • And we'd be remiss not to mention the "wtf?!?" category before we conclude.
    Because everyone wants a vibe that looks like a Maglite flashlight, a radioactive penis, or sea-anemone-crossed-with-cactus-thingie inside them, right?

Okay, so I'm poking a little fun. If a lecherous penguin gets you off, more power to you. And yes, I know different styles of vibrators are meant to stimulate in different ways AND that sex doesn't always have to be dead serious, some people want some humor mixed in. But really, you've got to wonder why great function can't meet great design in this arena. It is a SEX toy. Let's make them SEXY. Couldn't the people who design Macs or...I don't know...the your sex toys instead of what seems to be the people who design Beanie Babies or artificial limbs? Sooo not sexy.

In my estimation, it's all about the shame. People are afraid to stand out in the open and say, hey, I use a vibrator. Please, let's get over it. Why not just admit you're using the damn thing just like EVERYONE ELSE on earth (all of whom are also covering it up) and then we'll be able to start getting less libido-squelching designs. Maybe you'll start to get more things that are all sleek and sophisticated and mod, like this.

Not a sermon, just a thought.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Rules of the 'Teria

  1. Get in line
    This is not a porn or cyber sex chat site. It's a place for clever people who are interested in sex and sexuality to talk, debate, and laugh about issues that interest them.

  2. Enjoy your meal
    I'm going to talk about sex. And obviously, I'm a woman, so it'll be from a woman's point of view. I'll bring you news, debate, opinion, my and others' reviews of books, toys, video, whatever strikes my fancy.

  3. Speak up, honey
    The crowd is noisy, but the lunch lady o' sex wants to hear your opinions, musings, what have you. Give good comment.

  4. No food fights
    Miss Syl don't cook up no hate in her kitchen. If you start flinging yours around, it's detention for you, young man/lady/shemale.

  5. Lunch is served to everyone
    The sexeteria serves people of every background, gender, and orientation. Come on in. Ahem.

  6. Tips are accepted
    Saw an article you think I should check out? A site that's cool, funny, informative? A book, toy, video, or what have you that your company would like me to check out? I'm game. Write to me at the email in my profile. While I can't promise you I'll feature it, I'm always open to new ideas.

    And of course, posted comments or emails filled with slavish praise and admiration are always welcome with open...arms.

Also, please read this "Blogger's Disclaimer".

Also, also, please note:
Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs2.5 License.

Virgin post: What is this site about?

Welcome to the Sexeteria. Let's talk sex. And all things related to it, too--dating, celibacy, marriage, gender issues, lifestyle choices, literature, film, other kinds of entertainment...and anything and everything else unrelated to it, too, come to think of it, because, let's face it, it all comes back around to sex in about 7 minutes or so, anyway. And good conversation is sex for the brain. So. Whatever interests, amuses, informs, or otherwise makes for good conversation around the topic...let's talk about it.

Why empahsize the sex focus at all? Growing up, I was raised to have frank and open discussions about sexuality. As I got older, I realized how unusual an experience that was for most people. I've always been surprised, and a little saddened, by how shocked, and then relieved, and even grateful people are when they realize they can have a frank, open discussion about sex, without having to feel shame or embarrassment. I hate to think of how many people have lived their lives feeling isolated, unable to open up on the topic for fear of being shut down or ridiculed. So I wanted to create a comfortable environment where people can have these conversations in an open, respectful way.

Now, why "sexeteria" you ask?

In trying to figure out a name for this blog that would give an instant mental image of what it was about, I ran through a number of more obvious names, and they all just seemed too obvious or pompously titillating. And that wasn't the vibe I wanted. Sex can be serious, and smoldering, but it can also be friendly, and sometimes funny, too. I wanted the name to cover all the bases. I wanted to evoke a comfortable place where people could sit down, like they would with a good friend they trust, and talk comfortably about sex and sexuality without being embarrassed. A place where they could also have fun with the topic, too; as well as keep up-to-date with, share, and gossip about the latest news, entertainment, and other info on the topic.

So, I wanted to provide a smorgasbord of sex talk, if you will. But "smorgasbord" is not a particularly sexy word. So that was out.

And then, I remembered my favorite quote ever from The Simpsons, courtesy of Mr. H. Simpson himself: "Good things don't end in 'eum,' they end in 'mania' or 'teria.'"

And--voilà!--my little piece of the blogosphere was born.

So, the Sexeteria. Come on in, grab a tray, check out the buffet, and choose what most whets your appetite and interest. I'm cooking up some treats just for you, honey. And because you're special, there's no charge--except that you join us at the table after you've and share your thoughts in a good, mind-stimulating group conversation. (For the rules of respectful posting, please click here.)

Dig in!

Miss Syl.

[Update: I've since discovered that the makers of The Simpsons actually used the word "Sexeteria" in their second animated show, Futurama. I always knew Matt Groening and I were soulmates, since way back in the "Life in Hell" days.